Fighting with Friends? The DBT Skill DEARMAN Can Help
Navigating friendships during the teen years can feel like walking a tightrope. With an ever-changing mix of emotions, peer expectations, and occasional conflicts, it's no surprise that arguments can arise among friends. However, teens can turn these moments into opportunities for growth by using the DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) skill known as DEARMAN. This powerful tool helps teens express their needs effectively while fostering understanding and collaboration.
What Is DEARMAN?
The DEARMAN acronym breaks down into seven actionable steps:
Describe
Express
Assert
Reinforce
Mindful
Appear confident
Negotiate
Each step guides teens in managing conflicts while maintaining respect and connection. Let’s explore how to apply this skill in real-life situations.
How to Use DEARMAN During a Conflict
1. Describe the Situation
Start by stating the facts without adding emotions or blame.
Example: Instead of saying, “You always ignore me,” try, “I noticed that you didn’t respond to my text about meeting up.” Neutral language sets the stage for a constructive conversation.
2. Express Your Feelings
Share your emotions honestly and calmly.
Example: “I felt hurt when you didn’t reply.” This vulnerability helps friends understand your perspective and builds empathy.
3. Assert Your Needs
Clearly and directly communicate what you want.
Example: “I’d appreciate it if you could respond when I reach out.” Assertiveness ensures your needs are heard without sounding confrontational.
4. Reinforce the Relationship
Remind your friend of the positive aspects of your relationship.
Example: “I value our friendship and want us to stay close.” Highlighting the importance of your bond fosters collaboration.
5. Stay Mindful
Remain calm and focused on the conversation. Avoid getting defensive or distracted, even if emotions run high. Mindfulness helps de-escalate tensions and keeps the discussion productive.
6. Appear Confident
Use confident body language and a steady tone. Standing tall, maintaining eye contact, and speaking clearly can make your message more impactful.
7. Negotiate a Solution
Work together to find a compromise.
Example: “Let’s figure out a way to communicate better. What works best for you?” Collaboration reinforces teamwork and mutual respect.
Why DEARMAN Works for Teens
Learning the DEARMAN skill equips teens to turn heated arguments into meaningful conversations. It encourages healthy communication, emotional intelligence, and conflict resolution—essential skills for building strong, lasting relationships.
Teens who master DEARMAN gain confidence in handling disagreements while fostering healthier friendships. For parents and teens in Watertown, Connecticut, seeking support through teen DBT group therapy can be a transformative step. These skills not only help in resolving immediate conflicts but also prepare teens to navigate life's challenges with resilience and grace.
At Mindful Healing, we specialize in empowering teens with practical tools like DEARMAN to enhance communication and emotional well-being. Let us guide your teen toward healthier relationships and personal growth.
