Being the “Bad Guy” is Good for Your Teen

As parents, we are so focused on the emotional and social well-being of our teen, that we sometimes mistake pleasing them for what is really good for them. We so want them to be happy! We want them to have a good social life where they are connected to and accepted by a good group of friends. We want them to do well in school so they cannot only move on to the next phase of life- whether it be more school/a fulfilling career- but also through jumping through the hoops of deadlines, standards, cooperative behaviors, they are prepared for young adulthood. What we want for them is good. It is reasonable!

When we see them struggle, when we see they are unhappy, our parental instinct is to placate them, to find a way to help them be happy, calm, untroubled. As a result, we sometimes miss how much they secretly want us to be firm, to hold the line, to say “no.”  Why is it a secret desire? Because their wants are so big. As teens they have big emotions, strong impulses and passionate, passionate wants…. Even when they know that getting their way would not be good for them! At least a part of them knows that. Sometimes they just need to be rescued from themselves. Teens are part adult and part child. The “adult” knows what should happen but the “child” side cannot restrain themselves. They need us, the stronger adult to hold the line for them. They are likely to fight it, to try and  persuade you to change your mind, but when you know you are doing the right thing by saying “no,” do not let their wants, their demands, their passions, move that line! When you are consistent and hold to your boundaries, they will actually feel safer, knowing someone can stop them from being somewhat self-destructive. 

Being the bad guy is really being the good guy! Remember that and say “no” guilt-free!