Guiding Teens through a Difficult Valentine's Day
During the teen years, dating and romantic relationships can be a challenge…both for your teen and for you as a parent. Valentine’s Day in particular can be stressful if your teen does not have a romantic partner when their friends do, if they are having problems with their romantic partner, or if they have been rejected by a crush. All the reminders of romance can trigger intense feelings of envy, anger, disappointment, or even worthlessness. Alternatively, your teen might have a romantic partner but are challenged by expectations—spending money on a date, how much time they can have together, or whether or not to have sex. Navigating how to respond to these expectations can spark anxiety. Here are some parent coaching tips to help your teen get through a difficult Valentine’s Day in a healthy way:
Validate their feelings. Try not to intrude; it may be too painful to talk about, but let them know you understand.
Listen. If your child begins telling you how they feel, be quiet and listen. What is very important is not to share your stories of being in the same situation, or telling how they should feel. Let them get all their feelings out without offering unsolicited advice. Just be present. Doing less is more!
Help them figure it out for themselves. Once your teen has shared their feelings, don’t tell them what to do. Instead ask your teen, “What is it you need that you’re not getting.” If they feel like answering, then follow up with, “How do you think you can get that.”
Lay a groundwork of trust. Before Valentine’s Day or any special day parents can help their children know their home is a safe space for their feelings.
Encourage. Try to notice what your teen has done great that day or any day. Turn the focus to things that they are interested in, what have they done great that day?
Allow your teen to have a broken heart. Believe it or not, broken hearts and some disappointment is good for your child. They will experience this in their life more than once. What better time to learn this lesson, develop this muscle than when they are living with you?
Support health friendships. Ask if your child if they’d like to do something with a friend.
Give them privacy. Don’t knock on the door when your teen comes home. Allow them to process the day on their own.
Observe. If your teen doesn’t come to you and you see that they are upset, instead of asking, “What’s wrong?” You can say something that you observe. “Wow you seem like you’re sad, tell me more about that.”
Set boundaries. If your child is in a relationship and they are going on a date, remember, it’s alright to set boundaries. Let them know what you expect and do not expect, when to be home, where they are allowed to go. They may follow what you say, or they may not, but setting the rule is the key.
At Mindful Healing, our parent coaching practice teaches skills for you to respond to your teen’s intense emotions and build a trusting, resilient relationship with them. Click here to sign up today!