How to Recognize and Break Negative Patterns in Teen Behavior
Adopting negative patterns of behavior is extremely common at any age and stage of life. The teenage years in particular can have a heightened amount of negative behavior patterns due to the fact that it is a time of emotional and cognitive development. Teens are at the first point in their lives where they have more freedom to make independent decisions, without the knowledge that they may be harmful to themselves or others. Recognizing and breaking these patterns is key to personal growth.
What Are Negative Behavior Patterns?
Negative behavior patterns are repeated actions, thoughts, or reactions that can happen consciously or unconsciously that create problems in your life or prevent you from reaching goals. These behavior patterns can impact your emotional health, relationships, and daily habits. Some examples can be blaming others instead of taking responsibility, lashing out when angry instead of calmly communicating, engaging in self-destructive behavior such as skipping school, lying, or using substances to cope.
Recognizing the Pattern
The most important step to change is awareness. Some questions you can ask yourself when you notice repeated problems are:
When and where do these behaviors show up?
What usually triggers them?
How do I feel after acting this way?
It may help to keep a behavior journal, where you note down what happened, how you responded, and how you felt. Over time, patterns will become clearer. For example you might notice that every time you get criticized, you shut down and ignore the person instead of talking it out.
Identifying the Cause
Most negative behavior patterns are reactions to underlying emotions or beliefs. For example- people with anxiety may have a high pattern of avoidance as the anxiety triggers the need to push it off/ away (such as procrastination.) People who struggle with fears of abandonment or insecurities may lash out at people when they feel a relationship is threatened, or the opposite- shut down and distance themselves.
Some questions you can ask yourself when assessing the cause are:
What am I trying to avoid or control?
Do I have fears or insecurities driving this behavior?
Was this behavior modeled by someone (e.g., a parent, friend, or role model)?
Challenge the Unhelpful Thoughts
The negative behaviors are usually driven by negative thoughts. When we work on challenging or reframing them we can reduce the urge to engage in the behavior. For examples, if a thought triggering lashing out is “if I don’t get my way, I lose” you can think “Is that really true?”
“What ways have I lost in trying to win arguments?” or provide yourself with some self-compassion by comforting the thought before acting on it. Replacing negative behaviors with skills to cope with the emotions is also helpful in reducing them. Deep breathing before you speak when frustrated, using “I feel” statements to relay your thoughts when angry, seeking support and sharing fears instead of isolating when scared, are all great ways to change behavior patterns.
Be Patient and Seek Support
Breaking habits is hard, especially alone. Surround yourself with people who encourage positive behavior and hold you accountable in a kind way. This can include friends, family, counselors, teachers, or coaches. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or talk about your struggles. Change takes time. You may slip up—and that’s okay. What matters is staying committed to your growth.