Riding the Wave to Manage Difficult Feelings
“Riding the wave” sounds like a surfing term. Or, it could apply to ocean birds who are content to ride waves, especially in fair weather. It also brings up the vision of all types of waves. There are those that calmly lap the shore, while others bring tons of water crashing against storm-strewn cliffs. When you think of it this way, it’s easy to see why “riding the wave” is an apt phrase to use when dealing with feelings.
What Are Difficult Feelings?
The first key in identifying a difficult feeling is to listen to the person experiencing it. Maybe you’re having a tough time, yet others don’t see it that way. They don’t understand why you’re confused, upset, depressed, outright angry, or deliriously exhilerated. Yet they’re not living your life. Nor are they dealing with the internal and external stressors you live with, pretty much each and every day. Difficult feelings are emotions that are hard to handle, such as:
During rage and moments of anger a person feels out of control. There’s the potential to hurt one’s self, someone else, or property.
Feelings of fear can get in the way of making good decisions. These can happen while driving, during a date with someone who’s become scary, or an eruption of distressing thoughts.
Anxiety that’s provoked by noise, feeling under pressure, being in crowds, or continually worrying about all sorts of things.
Boredom doesn’t seem like an emotion but it’s close to it because of feeling disinterested in so many things.
Over-the-top excitement and exuberance can lead to its own set of issues, again because making good choices can fly out the window.
It’s The Ups and Downs That Can Be Tough
You’d rather not be down low or too high, either one often being the case. Yet, feeling numb can be as hard, and sometimes worse. The hardest part to all of this is that there’s rarely a chance to find middle ground. You know it’d be much easier to manage your feelings if you knew what to expect. At the same time, you’re aware that life doesn’t work that way. Good things and those that are not so good are regular occurrences.
This is where you turn to dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT has so much to offer you on how to prepare yourself for responding to troubling emotions. Like practical tips, actions to take that make sense, and skills that are easy to learn.
DBT And Learning to Ride The Wave
Sure, that sounds rather cliche, yet it takes so much skill to ride a wave, especially when you’re dealing with tough emotions. There are even steps to learning how to manage challenging feelings. These are referred to as coping ahead. They include:
Observing and then naming feelings that are hard to deal with and often harder to manage.
Stepping aside to watch what triggers a reaction or feeling that’s hard to manage.
This might even be something you’ve eaten, like a luscious, sugary dessert.
It could be someone insulting your bestie or you.
Maybe the lights or noise in an environment are over-the-top.
You feel intimidated by things happening at home, school, or work.
That last step helps to learn when feelings will escalate to the point it’s hard to deal with them.
The coping ahead happens with practice. It’s about finding ways to decrease the effects of something that lead to difficulty with emotions.
Then there are the skills you learn that prepare you for responding to situations that trigger distressing emotions.
These help you to be thoughtful and engaged with your emotions.
Practicing the skills helps your brain and nervous system respond when emotions start to escalate.
You ride the wave of managing difficult feelings as you learn and practice:
Identifying triggers and naming emotions.
Coping ahead by managing circumstances that are known triggers.
Learning marvelous skills that help with distress tolerance, such as various breathing tips, mindfulness, and healthy sleeping and eating habits.
Riding the wave takes practice. The reward is living a life in which you feel good about yourself and where you’re headed!
