Skill to Change Behavior
Parents of teens know that big emotions lead to big behaviors. This is because every emotion has an action or urge associated with it. The bigger the emotion the bigger the urge and associated action or behavior.
When teens are angry, they might have an urge to yell or slam doors. When they are sad, they isolate; When they are anxious, they may avoid; When they feel guilt, they may self-harm.
Feeling angry, sad, anxious, etc are all normal feelings. It is important to note that your teen doesn’t have to escalate their negative emotions to the next level. Instead of escalating their negative feelings until they become negative actions, your teen can learn to feel their feelings without acting on the associated urges.
In DBT there are many skills that can help with this. If their emotions are justified validation or problem solving may help. However, in cases where their feelings don’t match the situation or there is no solution to the problem, teens need to regulate their emotions using a different skill: Opposite Action Skill.
The Opposite Action skill
The Opposite Action skill teaches teens how to manage their emotions by acting in ways that are opposite to their urges.
For example, when your teen is feeling sad, they may have the urge to isolate themselves from their friends and family. The Opposite Action to this urge would be to interact and connect with others.
This skill works best when teens can identify that their emotions are not justified and recognize both their emotions and emotion urge.
To use this skill, teens need to do the following:
Assess their emotions and the facts of their situation
1) Teens should be able to identify their emotions and then determine the validity of their emotions.
2) Next, they will need to identify the urge associated with the emotion and figure out whether acting on this emotional urge will be effective and appropriate.
Determine the Opposite Action
3) Once your teen has decided that Opposite Action is the best course of action for them to take, they then need to figure out what actions are in opposition to their urges.
a. For example, if their urge is to avoid out of fear, they should take a few deep breaths and stay put.
b. If their urge is to yell at someone out of anger, they should take a moment to calm down and reach out to that person with kindness.
To help them prepare for these moments, you can have your teen write down a list of emotions they experience regularly and ways for them to act in a way that is opposite to how they might naturally want to behave.
Practice
Once your teen has started using the Opposite Action skill, they should continue to use this skill until their emotion changes and their urge to act out goes away. Your teen will want to keep practicing Opposite Action skill in situations and make a habit of using it until it feels natural.
If you want to learn more about DBT for teens or Opposite Action skill contact us today.
