#1 Skill to Boost Your Teen's Mood

It seems as though your teen’s mood changes like the weather. One day it’s warm and balmy and the next is cold and blustery. You know that there’s only so much you can do to change another person’s mood. Yet with your teen, you get concerned when their mood seems dark and angry. Perhaps it’s time to try out this #1 DBT skill for balancing mood: Opposite Action.

Dialectical Behavior Training is based on achieving balance by heading toward a polar opposite, so to speak. For instance, when your teen’s behavior has become chaotic, this is balanced by moving toward order. Doing so happens one step at a time. If their room is chaotic, have them pick one thing to focus on to restore order. 

From One Mood to the Next: Unpleasant To Pleasant

Think about the various mood states you’ve observed in your teen. Some of these are associated with changes in physical development, such as fluctuations in hormones, and others are related to social influences. It helps to look at a variety of moods, or states of feeling, that teens demonstrate, such as:

• Sadness…………….Happiness

• Frustrated…………………..Satisfied

• Bored………..Relaxed

• Upset…………………………………..Happy

Notice how these can be paired into opposites based on which represents a pleasant state and which is more upsetting. For instance, Upset and Happy are opposites, both in the dictionary and in life. They oppose each other in how your teen feels, appears, and behaves. So, what can you do to boost your teen’s mood when they’re upset? You know this is a gradual, worthwhile process.

• Be prepared to listen and be concrete.

  • Share that they seem upset and describe the behavior or appearance (also known as affect) that gives you this impression. 

  • This includes their facial expression, posture, or how they move. Think the words ‘frown,’ ‘tense,’ and ‘agitated’ as examples of what you see when someone’s upset.

  • Observe their response both in terms of behavior and what they do or don’t say.

• Since you want your child to learn how to manage mood for themselves as they mature, make some inquiries:

  • Is there anything about their mood they’d like to change?

  • If no, ask if there’s more they’d like to share. And listen.

  • If yes, inquire what they need to move toward balance. 

  • And, what if your teen says they don’t know what to do? You can then ask if they want to hear about any tips you’ve read about. Such as those shared here.

Moving Mood One Step At a Time

In the example of Upset to Happy, one rarely goes instantaneously from one to the other! Thus, it’s unrealistic to expect your teen to have a dramatic change like that. And, when you get right down to it, having a big change doesn’t help them learn about subtle states of mood. Nor does it give them the information they need to create gradual, step-by-step change for themselves.

Here are some DBT tips for boosting your teen’s mood in a gentle stepwise manner:

• Think of ways to use your child’s senses to shift their mood. Talk it over with them about what to try first, and go from there, making note of what’s effective and what really doesn’t move the mood meter.

  • Hearing can be used to listen to music.

  • Vision might be watching a show, looking at photos, or going for a drive for change of scenery.

  • Taste includes favored foods that boost your teen’s outlook, and thus their mood.

  • Touch includes anything that engages your teen’s skin and deeper tissues, from a shower and game of table tennis, to hugs and dancing. 

  • Smell is engaged by the aroma of comfort food, flowers, and time outside, preferably in a setting with natural features.

• Speaking of a Mood Meter, engage your teen in making one. Or two, one for them and one for you.

  • Draw emoji facial expressions to match various moods. Or take selfies together of what you look like when you’re bored and then when you’re relaxed. Take a third one of neutral or balanced mood between the two.

  • You can use your mood ‘artwork’ to track changes from what’s unpleasant to pleasant.

  • You can also use it when a mood state starts to go downhill, helping to stall a mood swing before it’s fully unpleasant.

  • Once you get going with your Mood Meter, create other ways to use it, such as communicating with each other or charting day-to-day, or week-by-week, fluctuations.

Speaking of week-by-week, we at Mindful Healing hope that you check in here every week for more tips and conversation about your teen’s well-being. Our work includes caring for you too, as you provide caring guidance for the next generation.