Do I Really Need to Be Involved in My Teen’s Therapy?
Most teens don’t “volunteer” to go to therapy except the unusually self-aware who understand its value. Consequently, teens often feel that they are the problem (and let’s face, to parents, it usually seems that way!). They come to therapy with the belief that their parents want them to be “fixed”, see them weekly and make the problem go away! Teens become more motivated when they see that their parents are also working on how to be better parents or are involving themselves in a way that says to the teen, “I want to support you without trying to get your therapist to make you do what I want. I want to understand you better!”
Some parents need help in learning new skills, but because the old tried and true methods just aren’t working, and they can’t figure out why! Other times, parents are doing the right thing, hey, they’re parents- and well, parents just don’t have the same credibility as when a therapist says exactly the same things to their teen that they would have said! Sometimes, teens just need a safe place to share their feelings and thoughts without worrying about worrying their parents or trigger their parents to overreact. This doesn’t mean that they want to be “dumped” into therapy and have their parents disappear. Teens need to know their parents' care and want to know how they are doing, while at the same time, not having their parents intrude on the safe, private space with the therapist.
This is why parent coaching can help because the coach is not the teen’s therapist, yet, can work with the teen occasionally to give them a voice so that parents can learn to hear their point of view and can learn to express themselves to their teen in a way that doesn’t trigger their shame, stress, anxiety, etc. …. because if a teen can negatively interpret something you say, even a compliment, believe me, they will! When a teen sees that their parents are trying too, they feel less damaged and more hopeful that things can and will change and that can make all the difference! Ultimately, when they have hope, they are motivated and work harder in therapy.