7 Steps For Boosting Your Teen's Self-Worth
As an adult, you know the importance of self-worth in your life. It affects so much! That applies to work, health choices, and even the purchases you make. What happens when you shift to thinking about your teen and their self-worth? You may find that you’d like to know:
How much self-worth does your child have? Some of their choices are concerning.
What is life like when a teen’s self-worth is low or so-so?
Are there steps you can take to support your teen in boosting their self-worth?
This blog acknowledges that self-worth is important for all of us. It’s especially so for today’s adolescents as they deal with pressures to excel, participate, and do this, but not that. This applies whether you’re the parent of daughters or sons.
Step 1: Self-worth: What It Is
The term “self-worth” is often used interchangeably with “self-esteem” although there are subtle distinctions. That’s important because being clear about what self-worth is, matters to kids as much as it does to adults. Self-worth is:
A person’s assessment of themselves, feeling that they have value, are able, and can be respected.
Feeling deserving of others’ consideration.
Associated with healthy self-esteem and acceptance of self when a person has positive self-worth.
Knowing this helps with observing your teen’s actions, listening to how they talk about themselves and deciding what you can do to support their self-worth.
Step 2: Why Self-worth Matters
It’s amazing to think of all the ways that feelings of self-worth matter to each of us. That applies to young children as well as their grandparents. When we value ourselves we:
Make choices that keep us healthy and able to respond to illnesses.
Choose friends who support us, just as we do them.
Find career and other interests that make us well rounded.
Are open-minded and accepting, suspending judgment about others.
As you review these points, consider how dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) adds to your teen’s self-worth.
Step 3: DBT & Adolescent Self-worth
You can integrate DBT into your family life by learning about its methods and lessons.
Your teen learns emotional regulation by keying into their senses and thoughts.
They engage in practices such as mindfulness and yoga to learn how to defuse stressors. Those can be external, like peer pressure, or internal, like troubling thoughts.
Your teen and you can try out Wise Mind, another process for regulating emotions.
Ultimately, this guides your teen with making safe decisions.
Think about it! Your child’s ability to practice and master these methods adds to self-worth. They also learn to honor who they are. That means their sense of personal value is growing.
Step 4: Observe & Listen Actively
Feeling appreciated is part of boosting self-worth. The funny thing is it’s often the little things you or your teen do that can be overlooked. Simple, reinforcing comments offered each day lets your child know they’re valued and worthy of consideration.
Take time to watch what they do for family members, friends, or the planet. Maybe it’s helping with recycling or interacting with the little kid next door.
Keep it real and heartfelt as that’s best for building feelings of value.
Active listening is a super skill to learn as a parent. Kids are amazed when a parent actually hears what they said. And did so without interrupting!
The outcome of this is that you’re learning more about your teen’s interests, fears, and ambitions. Doing so prepares you to follow their lead.
Step 5: Follow Your Child’s Lead
Ever since your child was small, they let you know what they liked and didn’t. Sometimes it’s obvious and at others it’s subtle. It can be much the same with older children and teens. Following your child’s lead helps them to:
Learn how to make wise choices
Talk with you about what they like and don’t
Make mistakes in the safety of your love and interest in their well-being
Display talents and interests you may not have known about
Build self-worth as they practice with and expand their skills and talents
Share their joy of exploration with you
One outcome of this process is that your child gets to show off for you. It’s likely they’re learning things that peak your interest too.
Step 6: Learn From Your Teen
A sure way to boost your child’s self-worth is to learn from them. Regardless of what it is, whether it’s how to cook a new dish or learn about the latest fitness app, sharing in their enthusiasm is a boost for them.
Talk with your adolescent about what excites them
The dialogue might be prompted by something you’ve witnessed, like their new musical interest or their ability to take on math challenges
Let your child know you want to learn more, as in “No, I don’t know much about that and hope you can fill me in.”
If it’s an activity, be it chess, a creative endeavor, or something physical, let them know you’d like to join in if they want that at any time. No pressure…
Step 7: Pace & Patience
The final step is realizing there’s pace and patience that are part of boosting your child’s self-worth. Well, this isn’t even the final step. Rather, it’s where one cycle evolves into the next as:
New patterns simply don’t happen overnight
Pace includes rhythms of gains, and back or side steps, that vary week to month, and so on
Patience honors the incremental gains, realizing that even small gains in self-worth are valuable
As you test out each of these steps with your teen, check in with yourself. You’re likely to find that your own self-worth has made gains too.
