What the Heck is Wise Mind?
You’re aware that medical and counseling practices have different forms of jargon. We agree it’s best when those terms are used between practitioners, rather than with clients and patients. Yet there are some words we use in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) that sound like jargon and really aren’t! Huh? That’s because we’re hoping you’ll learn about and start to use these terms with your teen.
One of these terms is ‘Wise Mind.’ We use it here at Mindful Healing, as do our DBT colleagues across the country. So you ask: “What the heck is Wise Mind? Why does it matter? And, for goodness sake, please tell me how to use it with my teen.”
A good place to begin is thinking about adolescent’s emotions, responses to events, and behaviors. They can be quite variable, changing day-to-day, or hour-by-hour. They go from being thoughtful and reasoned, to chaotic and far-fetched, or downright troublesome.
One Teen; Three Minds
Let’s step back a moment and take a look at what is going on. Doing so offers insights into Wise Mind and how to harness it through the power of understanding. To begin, there are a few ways to look at our minds and how we think. These include:
Rational or Reasonable Mind is when we are able to observe what is taking place without becoming wrapped up in a situation. An example is your teen’s plan to enter a cycling competition. They’ve cycled for years, are quite capable, and feel the time is right, regardless of the outcome.
Emotional Mind is when what is going on or what we feel determines our behaviors. It drives a teen or adult to do things they might not do otherwise, were it not for their emotional involvement. It’s how you feel or act if your car gets keyed. Or the excitement and furor during athletic events, or when peaceful demonstrations turn ugly. For your teen, the emotions can overwhelm, resulting in anxiety or actions that can be worrisome.
Wise Mind is in the middle where reasonable thoughts meet emotions. Decisions and actions flow from a place of balance. An example is when your teen sees someone struggling with heavy bags of groceries. Your teen is strong and offers to help, doing so from a place of thoughtfulness. This is a result of:
Observing and assessing a situation.
Feeling compassion and concern for someone who could use a hand.
Objectively offering to help, regardless if the offer is accepted or not.
As you can tell from that simple scenario, this process happens quite quickly. That’s because your teen is developing Wise Mind abilities.
They are listening to their intuition, or going with a gut feeling about a situation.
Wise Mind develops over time, with your teen coming to trust their ability to make a reasoned decision that is associated with what they value.
At its essence, Wise Mind is the meeting of head and heart.
Tips for Growing Wise Mind
As an adult and parent, you’ve learned a lot about listening to your gut. You appreciate that little voice and most of the time you heed its guidance. You kick yourself when you don’t! It’s much the same for your teen. The difference is that they’re in the very early stages of learning about and developing Wise Mind. Here are a few tips to help theirs grow:
Talk with your teen about Reasonable Mind and Emotional Mind. Use everyday examples like those at home or in your neighborhood.
A strong wind knocks out power. What do they observe? What’s their emotion about the situation?
Do they have a gut sense of what to do, an action to take?
Show them how to use their breath to be present and aware. Ask them to use their senses as they observe what is taking place.
Guide them with how to do a body scan. This can give them a clear sense of how they’re responding to something.
If their heart starts to pound, or they sweat and their stomach is in knots, chances are they’re having an Emotional Mind response.
When they’re calm and can clearly express what they’re observing it’s a sign of being in Reasonable Mind.
When they observe something and get a feeling of how to positively act on it, they’re experiencing Wise Mind.
We are living in an era when Wise Mind skills are needed for individual and social well-being. Those of us at Mindful Healing are available to support your family with making decisions that come from your heads and hearts.
