How to Practice Self-kindness with Non-judgmental Stance
Even in the best of times, adolescents are challenged to be kind to themselves. They can self-judge for many different reasons. Their grades, feelings of being awkward or unhappy with their body, and feeling judged by others, in-person and online.
Most likely you’ve noticed how the pandemic has increased your teen’s self-negativity. Along with isolation they’re dealing with the loss of many usual activities, especially those they enjoy and are good at! And even though they are part of a very tech savvy age group, remote learning is tough for some due to the lack of in-person peer connections or inadequate internet service.
The practice of self-kindness with non-judgmental stance is a practice to use with your teen. This blog guides you through steps to take toward promoting your teen’s self-kindness and compassion, including how to be less judgmental.
Self-kindness in a Nutshell
I used the term nutshell because a teen can often feel that they just want to put a shell around themselves for protection, like a turtle or a nut. They feel vulnerable to others’ comments and looks, often feeling that they’re being judged. They want to like themselves and other people, yet find it challenging amidst competition and how bad it feels when someone puts down them or does it to a friend.
Enter self-kindness, a practice closing associated with mindfulness and finding balance.
The Dance of Non-judgmental Stance
Sadly, there are too many social influences that stimulate judgmental thoughts and words about self and others. We see it across age groups and populations. Some days it seems rampant! The dance of assuming a non-judgmental stance is just that. It takes on a rhythm that respects another person, rather than putting them down.
Steps of the dance might mean boldly steering clear of negative people and influences. This can be a challenge for adults, and more so for adolescents. The benefit is that as your teen releases judgment of others, they are more able to do so with themselves. This leads to balancing their self-awareness, helping them move to a place of self-kindness.
Steps for Developing Self-kindness with Non-judgmental Stance
Self-kindness emerges when your teen is able to acknowledge their own special goodness. These are the qualities, traits, and abilities that make them unique. You can encourage your teen to take simple steps that lead to self-kindness, such as:
Creating personal affirmations, such as:
“I am kind and loving with animals.”
“My friends say I’m a good listener.”
“I am dedicated to improving the environment.”
“My body feels strong and energetic.”
Doing some mindfulness practice together.
Breathe in and out together by focusing on a mantra, such as “peace,” “calm,” or a word that has meaning for your teen.
Check in after a couple of minutes and ask your teen how they feel.
Come up with positive words and descriptions to replace those that are judgmental.
These can be about themselves or others.
Your teen may want to use these first in thinking about a friend. They can then practice applying it to themselves. Examples include thinking of someone who is:
Patient and deliberate instead of slow or pokey.
Self-confident instead of a show-off or know-it-all.
Someone I like and care about instead of terms that are demeaning.
Practicing gratitude. It’s interesting how being grateful, especially simple things, leads to self-kindness. Appreciation of what is on the outside creates the same for what’s within each of us.
Share what you’re grateful for with your teen, guiding them to find their own.
Talking about what makes you appreciative helps you to learn more about each other.
Your heartfelt expression of the gratitude you have for them being in your life, deepens their experience of this practice.
Your teen can do the same about you.
Each of you can then express self-gratitude for who you are, your values, and the gifts you bring to the world.
This is an act of self-kindness.
When you both do this straight from the heart with kindness for each other, you are doing so with non-judgmental stance.
Mindful Healing works with families from a place of kindness and compassion with a non-judgmental stance. We do so to hear your story, along with your hopes and concerns for your teen. Our years of experience with other families and teens help us to guide you in appreciating what you and your adolescent can achieve together.
