A Rest Day for Your Child’s School Refusal

While it is important to be able to encourage your child to work through the discomfort of their anxiety when they have a difficult time getting to school, it is okay, now and then, to give them a ‘rest’ day.

The problem for a lot of parents is that a rest day is interpreted by the teen as permission to stay home and do nothing, nothing that is, but stay on the phone, or computer or watch t.v. 

The rest day should be a day of productive rest, not avoidance. Boundaries and expectations as part of a family policy need to be set in place before the concept of a “rest” day is even discussed.

Moreover, a rest day should not become so comfortable that going to school becomes harder to face. It is important to always bear in mind, that avoidance makes anxiety more intense.

So what should a rest day look like?

It could include not allowing access to activities that allow your teen to avoid- not as punishment, but as a rest from all peer related interactions as well. This would include no phone, no t.v. (scoop up the remotes), no music (unless you can tell Alexa or Siri to play something). 

It also needs to include some unpleasant tasks such as cleaning their room, doing a chore that actually helps you out, mowing the grass, etc.

There needs to be structure and some constructive activity such as going for a walk, going out to lunch with you or another family relative, exercising, seeing a therapist.

You and your teen can have this discussion together, ahead of time, as to how to rest days are to be structured. 

If you then let them take a rest day and they refuse to comply with the expectations set, then let them get BORED! Boredom is not bad for kids. Sometimes they to experience the discomfort of boredom to be willing to endure the discomfort of anxiety.