Helping Your Teen Manage Their Time
One of the greatest frustrations for parents are watching their teens sabotage their school work because they just can’t seem to manage their time. There’s always an excuse: they forgot; they wanted to go to a party and figured they could do their homework the next morning, but then were too tired. They planned to do it the morning of but didn’t hear the alarm. Always something seems to get in the way.
Part of the problem is that their wants take priority over their obligations. They need to tweak their thinking a little. Wouldn’t they enjoy that party more if they didn’t have that paper or test hanging over their head? If they can’t wake up and can actually sleep through an alarm, what kind of help do they think they need that would get them going? What do they think you could do to help without later being accused of nagging?
And then of course there is all that teen drama! How can they actually focus on school drudgery when their boyfriend dumped them or there is a social media crisis with several of their peers targeting them?
Worst of all are the distractions, that constant need to be checking on the latest snapchat or TikTok post and doesn’t the time just fly by without them even noticing as they engage in watching cutesy videos, and scrolling through for the latest news of what their friends are up to.
As much as they’d like to be independent and manage their own time, when their primary job as a teen, completing their assignments, is at risk, then they need some parental intervention.
What can you do to help?
Identify what they think the problem is. If it is teen drama, then create a place and time to listen to them, validate them, help them move forward. If it is a matter of creating and acting upon priorities, work with them to identify how they can balance pleasure and work.
Identify what their studying style is that does work for them. Some teens need a quiet place with no distractions while others need music, or some background noise so their mind doesn’t wander. Work collaboratively with them to identify what would work best. Some teens work best working straight through and others need a frequent breaks. Work with your teen to find out what works best for them.
Help them identify what they tried and ask them why it didn’t work. Ask them what they could have done differently. Often, they know such as they knew they shouldn’t have gone to that party and that they would be too tired the next day. Set the boundaries for them, explaining that until they develop the internal discipline to do things they don’t like before they give into their wants, you will help them. And as a parent you MUST FOLLOW THROUGH!
Help them identify in their body what it feels like when they actually get a hated task out of the way. With homework for example, it might be helpful to do the school work on their most hated subject first so it won’t be hanging over their head. When they are done, have them shut their eyes and do a body scan (actually before and after the homework so they can see the difference). The memory of that body reward can actually help.
Remember: you are part of your teen’s team, not the policeman. Try to get your teen to buy in to that so they allow you to help them follow through. Start with more follow through in the beginning (and explain that to them) and turn over their time management to them in increments until you are no longer needed. They say it takes 21 straight days of a new routine to create a habit (yes consecutive without exception). Once the habit of routine study and time management is created, your teen will not experience it as an effort. It will take less energy. Like making a bed. When you make your bed daily as soon as you wake up, after a while, you do it mindlessly. It takes less effort. Miss a week and it becomes a chore again. Remind them of that.