Parents Sometimes Need to Be the "Bad Guy"

Teens wants are big. Teens desires are always urgent, they need an answer (“yes,” of course) now! Teens do not want to miss out on being included or having a good time with friends. Even when they know they need to really stay home and study rather than go shopping at the mall, for example, they will fight as if their life depended on it to get you to say “yes.”

It might help to tap into your own experiences as a teen. Was there ever a time that you advocated for something you really really wanted to do and then, were secretly relieved when your parents refused? Going to a party for example with a bunch of older kids where you secretly suspected you could get in over your head, or driving to place you didn’t feel quite ready to navigate given the kind of highways or traffic or neighborhoods you would have to deal  with. Sometimes teen need their parents to be the bad guy. And don’t count on a thank you! Count on the opposite- in that moment, when they hear that “no” they may accuse you of “ruining” their life “forever!”

Other times teens may need you to be the bad guy is when they are asking, especially in front of their friends, to do something that, again, they may not be ready for. In front of their friends, with all their bravado, they are going to give it their all. They CAN’T say no to their friends, they will be righteously angry at you for saying “no,” but underneath it all, they will be relieved. Sometimes teens need parents to just be the parent, not the pleaser, not the friend. you to do that.