Parents: Why Listening is So Important
Have you ever had the experience of being in the presence of someone who really knows how to hear you? Who listens attentively? Someone whom you feel safe to open up to, share even the shameful feelings inside you without being afraid you will be judged? THAT is why listening is so important. Listening… not thinking about what you will say in response, what you will “teach” them or how you will advise them…just listening.
Listening provides a safe space emotionally for your teen. When they feel heard, they feel understood… and when they feel understood, they feel safe. Only then is there an open door where you can actually offer them the benefits of your wisdom, advise them, even disagree with them. First, however, just listen….
The cornerstones of listening involve:
Reflecting back what you hear without interpreting or changing the meaning
Validating: you see their point (you don’t have to agree) but you send the message you understand how they think and feel.
Empathizing: you acknowledge their pain (even if it is a self-made crisis!), their hurts, their anger or frustration. You HEAR their feelings.
And then you wait….If you have done this successfully, they will open up more; they will share more details; they will be more receptive to your input.
Listening is a win-win!
