Parents, Stop Trying to Fix it!

What are the situations that you, as a parent, try to fix? They forgot their homework assignment and you go to the teacher to ask for an extension? They had an argument with a friend, and you play mediator or email the teacher to keep an eye on the situation. They didn’t clean their room- again- and you do it. They don’t type their homework fast enough and complain about it, so you do it.  They got a bad grade in school due to not studying properly, and are beating themselves up so you take them someplace special , so they’ll feel better. And on and on. 

We love our kids. We want them to feel okay. We don’t want to see them struggle. We want life to be smooth for them and pain free. But- what do kids want? Do they really want you to fix it? To intervene? Sometimes teens just want empathy. They need you to LISTEN so they can come up with the solution. They need you to BELIEVE in them, to not offer advice unless they ask, to hear them and allow them the space to come up with their own solutions. 

How can we stop ourselves from jumping in and rescuing them? You can develop a code with them: when they start to tell you about a situation ask them at the start, do they want you to just listen or are they looking for advice? Do they just want to vent or do they want you to offer a solution? Find out first where they are coming from rather than jump in with both feet and take off running! 

Try it! And enjoy the moments when your teen- sometimes to your surprise- comes back to you and shares, proudly, how they handled a sticky situation!