Understanding Problem Behavior: A Teen Parent’s Guide
Teens are expected to go through hormonal changes, separate from parents to some degree, experiment with different identities, clothes, etc., exhibit some argumentative, contrary behaviors and to spend more time with their peers. Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between “normal” and “problem” behaviors. The basic rule of thumb is that when the changes are sudden or there are several changes at one time, there is cause for some concern.
Problem behaviors are usually not just one or two behaviors that can be explained as “normal” teenage craziness. Changes in appearance, for example, when accompanied with problems at school such as falling grades, cutting or other forms of self-harm, sudden weight loss or gain, are red flags. Sudden mood swings accompanied by other behaviors or persistent sadness, anxiety, isolation, inability to sleep, talk of suicide or violence are also red flags. Sudden changes in peer groups, especially with those that encourage negative behaviors, refusing to comply with reasonable rules and boundaries and lying to avoid consequences are red flags. Isolating, the inability to get to school, not doing homework assignments, all are red flags and the greater the number of behaviors, the more likely your teen is in trouble and needs help. What can you do?
Reduce screen time. There appears to be a direct relationship between violent TV shows, movies, Internet content, and video games, and violent behavior in teenagers. Even if your teen isn’t drawn to violent material, too much screen time can still impact brain development. Limit the time your teen has access to electronic devices—and restrict phone usage after a certain time at night. Work with a therapist to write up a social media use contract. If you can get your teen to buy in, some of the problems may resolve.
Create structure. Teens may scream and argue with you about rules and discipline, or rebel against daily structure, but that doesn’t mean they need them any less. Teens will argue about things they don’t like, even when they know it would be good for them. Teens NEED you to be the parent, not their friend, but a parent who can take charge when they don’t have the internal discipline to do what is in their own best interest!
Structure, such as regular mealtimes and bedtimes, make a teen feel safe and secure. Sitting down to breakfast and dinner together every day can also provide a great opportunity to check in with your teen at the beginning and end of each day.
Encourage exercise. Even a little can help ease depression, boost energy and mood, relieve stress, regulate sleep patterns, and improve your teen’s self-esteem. If you struggle getting your teen to do anything but play video games, encourage them to play activity-based video games or “exergames” that are played standing up and moving around—simulating dancing, skateboarding, soccer, or tennis for example. Once exercise becomes a habit, encourage your teen to try the real sport or to join a club or team.
Eat right. Healthy eating can help stabilize a teenager’s energy, sharpen their mind, and even out their mood. Act as a role model for your teen. Cook more meals at home, eat more fruit and vegetables and cut back on junk food and soda.
Ensure your teen gets enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can make a teen stressed, moody, irritable, and lethargic, and cause problems with weight, memory, concentration, decision-making, and immunity from illness. You might be able to get by on six hours a night and still function at work, but your teen needs 8.5 to 10 hours of sleep a night to be mentally sharp and emotionally balanced. Again, if electronics are interfering with your teen’s sleep, set the boundaries, write up a social media contract and make sure you can and are willing to enforce it!