What to Expect When Your Teen Starts Therapy for the First Time

Let’s face it: very few teens want to go to therapy! This means mom or dad or a doctor suggested they needed to go and even if a teen knows that, it is not likely that they will admit it to you! 

Expect your teen not to love it. Expect your teen to complain. Expect your teen to tell you they are not learning anything. Expect your teen to say they don’t want to go back. That’s what to expect. It doesn’t always happen like that, but it happens often enough even when your teen is actually opening up and is engaged in therapy. They often don’t want to give you the satisfaction. They themselves sometimes are not aware how much they opened up, revealed or actually shifted an attitude. 

Another thing to expect, is what not to expect- and that is that the outcome which you are hoping for won’t happen right away. Progress is measured differently by therapists than by parents. Therapists measure progress by where the teen has come from- did the teen become less angry this week? Or did they stay angry for a shorter time? Did they actually apologize and acknowledge something they did wrong? Did they make it to school without being nagged? Little victories are the stepping stones to moving forward. 

Good therapy, moreover, is often uncomfortable. Teens often feel ashamed that they need to be in therapy and it can take time for them to feel safe enough to share what is really going on with them and deal with the emotional discomfort that opening up can bring. They also need time to believe that what they share really is confidential.

Teens will learn skills. They will develop insight. It is a process. And much of the process is a result of the relationship your teen has with his/her therapist. The relationship is as much a part of the therapy as the skills being taught. And… that takes time.