When Your Teen Says Therapy Isn’t Working
“Therapy isn’t working!”
Have you heard your teen say this to you before? Or have you as a parent felt as though the past few months of them attending sessions has not shown any real changes in behaviors? There may be a key cause of this problem.
Let’s say you were looking to get in better shape so you hired a personal trainer. This personal trainer would most likely schedule occasional individual sessions, provide you with a weekly workout schedule, and create a daily nutrition plan. Now if you were to see this personal trainer for your individual meetings, do great work in the gym with them, but neglect to follow your nutrition plan or weekly workout schedule, it’s likely you’d be displeased with your progress. The same way a trainer gives you a guide to get better physically, your therapist gives you a guide to get better mentally.
When teens come in for sessions they typically report a handful of stressors and correlating behaviors or emotions. As therapists we look at these key issues and present you with skills and strategies to help you get better. If these skills and strategies are not implemented beyond your weekly hour, you probably won’t note very much progress.
Now why do you need to practice your skills outside of session? Shouldn’t showing up be enough?
Real-life application - When we share coping skills with you in session it is typically while you are in a calm state of mind and not actively experiencing distressing situations or emotions. Learning the skills is the first step, the next is to practice them when you are not in a controlled environment. The only way to know what skills work best for you is by putting them to the test in your daily life. That is when we can determine if this skill or strategy is effective, or if we need to modify your treatment plan.
Reinforcement/ Habit Formation - Repetition is key to building habits. When you practice your skills regularly outside of therapy, they reinforce what you have learned. By consistently practicing your skills they will be easier to access and apply when you are in distress. Just like physical exercise and a healthy diet must be maintained to see benefits, coping skills must become a routine part of your daily life to feel as though you have made improvement.
Measuring Progress - It is difficult for therapists to determine what has and has not been effective for you if what you have learned in sessions have not been tested. Practicing your skills allows you to figure out where adjustments need to be made and what skills have been really effective. While showing up regularly to session is a key component of making progress, you need to allow time for the skills you learn to be implemented to notice any real changes.
Personal Empowerment - Creating habits and reinforcing positive behaviors/ emotions makes you more in control of your life and overall well being. While we, the therapists, are the experts on the skills, you are the expert on your feelings