Coping with the Unknown
Why is coping with the unknown so difficult for many?
Why do teens and young adults struggle with uncertainty? and
How can we cope with the unknown?
The truth is that we never truly know if our risks will pan out in the end. We don’t have full control over our futures and this is especially true for teens and young adults. Coping with the unknown can be difficult because we often associate having control with feeling safe.
Teens are consistently told to think about the future which often can cause them to forget to think in the present. An excess of future thinking often leads to overwhelm and anxiety.
When faced with uncertainty and the unknown teens often experience high levels of stress and anxiety. While feeling uncomfortable with the unknown is common it becomes problematic when it creates high levels of anxiety.
UNHEALTHY WAYS TEENS COPE WITH THE UNKNOWN
1. Avoidance: Teens often will avoid situations or feelings that are difficult. Teens will avoid anything uncomfortable at all costs. This is why many teens struggle initially with therapy because they feel uncomfortable. Teens often believe if they avoid it, it will just go away. Teens often state I can handle or cope with this on my own. However, the opposite actually happens and it builds and can become overwhelming resulting in problematic behaviors.
2. Outbursts to distract: Teens will have outbursts of anger in order to distract from the real issues. Teens become overwhelmed with their emotions and can become frustrated and even angry because they often lack healthy coping skills to cope with unknown or change. Teens will often act out to distract themselves and others from how they are really feeling. This is so they don't have to face what they are struggling with.
3. Sleep: Often when I first meet with a teen and ask them about what coping skills they do have they will state they use sleep as a coping mechanism. Sleep is not a healthy coping skill. Teens use napping as a way to distract themselves from what they are feeling. Though sleep is important and necessary for our minds and bodies, it should not be used as a coping mechanism because when teens wake up the issue and the unknown is still there. They have not learned to cope only to avoid. Over sleeping and napping can also be a sign teens are using this to isolate themselves so they don't have to face the unknown.
HEALTHY COPING SKILLS FOR THE UNKNOWN
Here are some helpful tips you can use to help your teen learn to cope.
Mindfulness: While it is important to think about the future and learn from the past, it is also important to live and be in the present moment. In a world with many distractions such as technology and social media, teens and young adults struggle with being mindful and in the moment.
Acknowledge when things are unknown: Parents often want to provide their teens with answers so they feel better in the moment. This can actually cause teens to lack trust within their parents as they feel they were not honest with them. Acknowledging that the unknown can be scary and that you don't have all the answers is beneficial because it normalzies their feelings associated with the unknown. It also gives parents an opportunity to role model how they cope with the unknown in healthy and effective ways.
Identify what you can control: Help your teen make a list of what they can control and list of what they can’t control. This can help your teen learn to accept what is outside of their control. When we don’t accept things that are out of our control it can lead to further suffering which is why acceptance is so important in learning how to cope with the unknown.
If you want to learn more about coping with the unknown contact us today at (860) 387-5689.