DBT Skills to Stay Calm in the Heat of the Moment
The summer months mean an upturn in temperatures and soaking up the sun! This is the kind of heat teens love during their break from school. The kind of heat they don’t love, however, is the heat of the moment. Many teens struggle with managing difficult emotions like anger, embarrassment, fear, and disappointment. When these feelings rise up, a teen might lash out at others, run away from the situation, or even hurt themselves.
Fortunately, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches skills that teens can use to approach overwhelming situations in a healthy way. Here are three DBT skills that teens can use to stay calm when dealing with difficult feelings:
The STOP Skill
Suppose a teen is getting into an argument with a friend about which movie to see at the theater. This friend has picked the movie the last two times and wants to make the choice again. How is that fair?! The teen might want to start a fight, possibly damaging the friendship with that impulsive reaction. This is when the STOP skill can come in handy:
Stop: Avoid acting impulsively, such as shouting at your friend or storming off.
Take a step back: Remove yourself from the situation by making some physical distance between you and your friend.
Observe: Notice how you’re feeling, both internally and externally. Maybe you feel ignored, or stressed, or you could even be in physical pain from standing in line at the theater.
Proceed mindfully: Act with awareness of your thoughts and feelings. This could look like saying, “I feel like my opinion isn’t being valued, and it’s making me frustrated. Is there a way we can make a compromise?”
Find out more about how parents can support their teens with the STOP skill here.
The TIPP Skill
Let’s consider a situation in which a teen just found out that their parents are getting divorced. They are overwhelmed with fears about the unknown and start panicking, possibly even having a panic attack. The TIPP skill can be valuable for getting a teen back to baseline:
Temperature: Engaging with a cold sensation activates the body’s “dive” reflex and reduces heart rate. Try holding on to an ice cube.
Intense exercise: Burn off physical and emotional energy by going for a run around the neighborhood.
Paced breathing: Counting your breaths can calm your nervous system. Try 4-7-8 breathing by inhaling for four seconds, holding for seven seconds, and exhaling for eight seconds.
Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and relax different muscle groups in your body, paying attention to the difference between tension and relaxation.
Watch our video to learn more about the TIPP skill.
IMPROVE the Moment
Oh no…the family trip to the beach has been postponed to next year because money is tight. A teen could feel massively disappointed by this news, and even feel betrayed by their parents. IMPROVE the moment can help prevent arguments and prolonged negative feelings:
Imagine: Envision something to distract from the current distress, such as going to the beach next year.
Make it better: Use your imagination to make a pleasant scene. Maybe this gives you more time to save money and buy more souvenirs!
Participate in activities: Engage in activities that are calming or enjoyable, like listening to music.
Really engage your senses: Use your sight, sound, smell, taste, touch to connect with the present moment. Consider lighting a tropical-scented candle.
Overcome: Think of ways to overcome the current distress, like brainstorming a less expensive vacation spot with your parents.
Visualize a safe place: Envision a safe place to help you feel calm and grounded. You can always go to the beach in your mind!
Engage in a pleasurable activity: Pick up one of your hobbies, like drawing or playing guitar, that brings you comfort and joy.
The heat of the moment doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Teens who use the DBT skills STOP, TIPP, and IMPROVE the Moment can see positive changes in their emotions and situations. These skills can help teens improve their communication skills, relationships, and overall outlook on life…and stay cool in the summer.
