How to Help Your Teen Succeed as a College Freshman

Your teen has done it! They managed to navigate those difficult high school years and are off to college! Exciting, yes! And…let’s face it… scary too. Here are some tips to help you support your teen while at the same time stepping back and allowing them to manage this next step in moving towards full adulthood:

Avoid unsolicited advice. 

Sometimes your teen just needs to vent and not have you try to solve it for them. And, to be honest, as they are venting your mind may be going a hundred miles an hour wondering how you can help them avoid more trouble. Take a breath and then ask them do they want any advice or input from you since you have been around the block a couple of times. If they say, “no,” back off and if they say, “yes,” go for it! Oh, and then give them space. Don’t ask them how it all turned out unless they volunteer the information!

Expect your teen to talk to/contact you less often than you’d like.

Hopefully that is exactly what will happen! Hopefully they will have made friends and have a social life, are managing their time well and studying, and overall, just acclimating to this new level of independence, responsibility and fun! Remember, this is not about you and your feelings/needs. And trust that the more space you give them to come into their own, the more they will want to be communicate with you. It’s still good to stay connected by being available, but let them initiate as much as possible.

Trust your gut.

Yes, there are times that you will need to provide more support. You know your child and when they are likely to be so overwhelmed that they need outside support. However, before you take charge, check in with a trusted friend, your spouse/partner, etc. to get their perspective. They not only know your child, but they know you as well! It is important to be educated on mental health issues college students face and to be familiar with resources that your teen’s college can provide. Just remember, overreacting can eliminate you as a “safe place,” for your teen to turn to, so think carefully before you intervene. 

Feel free to share your observations of your teen’s progress. 

Statements such as “do you realize the high school you wouldn’t have been able to handle this situation as well as you are doing?!” or “You used such good judgment and showed wisdom beyond your years!” Words of affirmation and encouragement can be a bonding experience for you and your teen.