One Helpful DBT Skill for Surviving Christmas Eve Stress
Happy Christmas Eve! We at Mindful Healing hope that this holiday has contained as much joy as possible for your family. However, we understand that realistically, your teen might be having a rough time. That’s why we want to share a DBT Skill to help you out.
The holiday season might mean that your teen has a lot to do--gift-giving, cooking, cleaning before guests arrive, having to share a bedroom with a visiting cousin, etc. When pressure builds, you might see your teen procrastinate or even completely avoid the things you’ve asked them to do. Avoidance behaviors provide temporary relief from anything that causes stress, and that relief negatively reinforces the avoidance behavior for your teen.
What can your teen do in order to stop avoidance behaviors? A DBT skill that can be useful (and that we teach our teens in therapy and in group sessions) is “opposite action.” You may have seen us discuss acting out the opposite action in previous blogs--for example, if you’re feeling sad, do something that makes you happy. Typically, this DBT skill is for handling overwhelming emotions. However, it can also be used for handling overwhelming tasks, too!
Think about it: Having a task looming over your results in some intense emotions. Your teen might be thinking, “There is so much to do. What if I don’t get all of it done in time? What if I don’t get it done correctly? What if my parents are disappointed or mad at me? What if I embarrass myself in front of our guests?” There are a lot of emotions tied up in having to take on big or several tasks--emotions that your teen might not be showing you.
How can your teen use opposite action for taking care of the stressors of the holiday season? Try modeling for your teen doing tasks and activities that need attention…take the first step and throw yourself into it. You can even say something in front of your teen like, “This is a lot to tackle and pretty overwhelming, but the sooner I start it, the sooner it’ll get done.” This will show your teen that their feeling of overwhelm is valid and common, and that they can still tap into their inner strength to accomplish what you’ve asked them to do. Validate your teen’s feelings about the situation, and ask them “what” questions, such as, “What do you need in order to get this done? What is the first step you can take to accomplish this?”
Opposite action is a great DBT skill for helping teens who avoid and procrastinate out of a state of overwhelm and anxiety. By modeling this skill and talking with your teen about how they can use it as well, it can make the holidays go a lot smoother.
