Teens and Screens
SCREENS! Some parents see them as the bane of their existence, exposing our teens to a world of danger and influence that weakens our relationship with them. Other parents feel too overwhelmed to fight the seduction of social media and allow their teens to go too far in isolating themselves, creating false personas, or become addicted to gaming or following what every “friend” has to say, like, etc. There are parents whose teens actually become physically aggressive when screen time is limited. How do we navigate this new world?
A book I highly recommend is Jodi Gold’s SCREEN-SMART PARENTING. Ms Gold takes the stance that whether or not we like it, technology has permanently invaded our lives and the lives of our teens and we have to learn to make peace with that without giving up our role as parents. She divides her book into different developmental ages and discusses what is appropriate for each age in terms of choices, controls to be put in place, time spent, etc.
One of Ms.Gold’s most important points, no matter what the age, is that the dialogue between parent and child be open. Discuss with your teen what is important to them and why. Ask them to show you what kind of presence, persona they create online. Identify ways your teen could be “groomed’ by predators and discuss this with them. Having an open, trusting relationship within the context of appropriate boundaries and limitations can allow your teen to make informed decisions as to what is healthy vs unhealthy use of media devices.
Warning signs that your teen needs more monitoring and intervention would be isolation, obsession, physical altercations when you place restrictions, deception (providing you were reasonable to begin with) and other signs of addiction. Do not try to fix the problems before they occur, but do keep the dialogue open, negotiate age-appropriate boundaries, and trust your teen to be able to make good judgments until there are signs that they can’t. When your teen feels safe to be open with you, then when they run into a problem (such as online bullying), you will be the first person they turn to!