Beyond "Thank You" - Teens and Gratitude
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”-Melody Beattie
Gratitude. Simple in concept, but difficult in practice. Be grateful for what you have and show appreciation for others, sounds easy right? Most people agree that being thankful and expressing appreciation are essential to living a happy life. We even have a national holiday this month devoted entirely to being Thankful.
It comes as no surprise, then, that research has shown people who are more thankful tend to feel more fulfilled. In fact, a study from 2012 found that higher levels of gratitude were associated with better sleep, and with lower anxiety and depression. Another study conducted by researchers at Hofstra University, found that grateful teens are also more likely to have better grades, less jealousy, and more friends than their less grateful peers.
HOW TO RAISE TEENS WITH GRATITUDE
Teens are notorious for being self-absorbed. Developmentally, teens are supposed to be self-absorbed. They are in the stage of development known as Identity Formation. They spend much of their time trying to figure out who they are, what they believe, what they value, and who they want to be as adults. This means that teenagers are primarily focused on themselves. As parents you can help your teen learn how to use gratitude to help them with this process.
Gratitude is a learned skill. It takes time and practice. When your kids are young you teach them to say please and thank you or to send Thank You notes. Teaching and modeling gratitude to teens requires that same level of intentionality, repetition and practice.
Tips for Daily Practice:
1. Model gratitude in your home and make it a part of your everyday life, not just your holiday tradition. Let your teen observe you being thankful. If you’re feeling grateful for a beautiful day….say it! When someone is kind to you, or helpful, let your teen see you being thankful. Pay attention to the good things in your life, and let your teen know how grateful you are.
2. Show appreciation for your teen. So often as parents we get so focused on the teaching moments, we forget to acknowledge the things our teens are doing well. Remember to say “thank you” when your teen helps out in the kitchen, or helps their sibling with their homework.
3. Make gratitude a daily habit. Whether it’s a gratitude journal or saying grace at the dinner table, make it a daily habit to express your gratitude. Create a routine and role model to your teen that you practice what you preach.
Gratitude can have a significant impact on mood. Try starting with a nightly gratitude practice as a family and see what impact it has for you. For example, you may say “ I love you and today I’m so thankful for...”