Why Change Doesn't Happen Overnight

Often parents want their teen in therapy for “one or two sessions, five at the most.” There is a problem at home, the parent seems overwhelmed, tired of it, wants it gone! That’s when they decide their teen needs to go to therapy and get “fixed”. If only it were so simple! 

Usually, by the time a teen ends up going to therapy, the dynamic at home has become complicated or the teen is so overwhelmed with their own pain, self-contempt, shame or fear that the family just doesn’t know what to do. This situation didn’t happen overnight, even if there was a triggering incident that brought it to the front. And, consequently, it is not going to get resolved overnight. Most of the time (yes, there are exceptions where a few sessions of early intervention can head off years of therapy). 

Moreover, therapy is a process. This means two steps forward, one step back. Teens are fragile. It takes time for trust to build, time to fully allow themselves to be vulnerable without feeling worse. There are times during the process where a plateau seems to have occurred, but that often means that the work that has gone on before is slowly sinking down to a deeper level. There are times that a vulnerable moment has occurred, and your teen will shrink back, put on the defenses and brave face until they can once again tolerate their vulnerability. There are times they will be angry at their therapist who got too close or did a necessary confrontation, but in time, they come around because part of the healing is not just the techniques the therapist brings to the table, but the relationship itself. A therapist can say the very things a parent would say but it will be received differently. The relationship is different, and it needs to be. The more parents trust this process, trust the fact that there is no instant cure, the more room their teen has to work their way out of their own pit, and come out a stronger, healthier, more resilient person.