Overcoming Negative Thoughts
All of us have moments where our harsh inner critic pops its ugly head. The trigger is often a negative feeling which leads to a negative thought Her are some common examples:
Guilt (which can be false guilt) can lead to “I’m a bad person”
Frustration can lead to “I can’t do anything right”
Loneliness can lead to “I don’t have any friends because I’m not likeable”
Boredom can lead to “I’m dull”
Disappointment- “nothing ever goes right for me”
Anxiety- “I can’t do well in _______” whatever it is you want to do well in. “I’m a terrible artist, musician, student” etc.
At other times our inner critic surfaces when we compare ourselves to others: I’m fatter, dumber, meaner, uglier, than…. Everyone!” Or often it seems that way by the time you are beating yourself up!
How do you overcome these thoughts?
Step back and look at the evidence
For example, what made you think you were mean? Your friend couldn’t take a diplomatically expressed “no” for an answer and got pushy, and you had no choice but to be more direct, colder, really blunt to get the point across and it “felt” mean”, but is it? You tried the kind way first. Where is the evidence that you are a “mean” or “bad” person, when you step back from your emotion and examine it objectively, in terms of the bigger picture, you are more likely to come up with a different truth than what your inner critic is telling you.
DON’T LET YOUR INNER CRITIC INTERPRET YOUR EMOTIONS AND TELL YOU HOW TO THINK!
Imagine your inner critic is talking to a younger version of you or to an innocent child who is young, the age you feel when you are most vulnerable. If you saw someone telling a child he/she is “mean”, what would you say to protect that child?
Ask yourself is the criticism true for all times? Okay, so you were mean! You could have spoken more kindly to your friend even after you felt pushed and you lost your temper and were really harsh. It may feel like you do this a lot. It may feel like you are a “bad” person. FORGIVE YOURSELF. We all have our moment. If you do this a lot, then ask for support, for someone to nonjudgmentally point out when you are doing it. Or if you have an occasional outburst, own it and then move on. Look at the times you were compassionate, or diplomatic or gentle. Evaluate the evidence before you let your inner critic have the last say!
